Dear Future Me, Younger Me, all of Me,
I’m writing to you from a time in my life when I don’t have much to say, and at the same time my words are toppling over each other as they try to organize themselves. I’m writing to you from a place in my life in which I can say, “Here’s where I’m going.” I’m writing to you from a time when what I write now will probably hold no relevance in about 5 years.
And that’s okay.
Right now I’m very into Broadway, specifically Dear Evan Hansen and Hamilton. I’m into #SaveTheCrew because (life lesson) — people are stupid. I’m into walking since I can’t right now, and as they say, you never realize what you have until its gone. 😦 I’ve been accepted to two colleges, and I’m not planning on applying to anymore because I actually have a plan . . . we’ll see how long that lasts. I’ve finished my volleyball career, and am very ready to graduate. (That’s fun to say . . . the last part atleast. 😉 )
Younger me, you have no idea what’s coming for you. So much ecstasy, so much heartache. Its amazing how God doesn’t care what life you have in mind, which is why I say I can’t actually say, “Here’s where my life is headed,” because that has never worked.
And that’s okay.
You probably think high school will never end. You probably think you’re never going to pick a career. You’re probably not even remotely worried about a potential surgery or chronic pain or anything like that. And I miss you for that.
Here’s the thing.
God is letting you have that pain free time in life. He knows you’ll need it to get through what is to come. The emotional weariness and physical exhaustion that He will use to bring Him glory . . . in some way . . . (still trying to figure that out. 🙂 ) So enjoy your time. Yeah, its still hard in its own way. Aren’t all times? But each trial brings about beauty. You’ll see. You’ll learn. And you won’t stop learning.
Oh, girl. You’re in for the ride of a lifetime. Don’t worry. It’s actually the coolest roller coaster you’ll ever ride.
Future me — here’s what I think.
I think you’re a photojournalist giving the people who need one the most a voice. I think you’ve graduated from the college of your dreams and maybe even found the man God has blessed you with along the way. I think you have NOT gotten a hip replacement, though that probably isn’t far off. I think you’re living your dream.
For all I know, you’re a single FBI agent who’s graduated from a college I have yet to hear of with a completely metal skeleton. I do know that if that is the case (though I kind of doubt it) then you are right where God wants and needs you to be.
That’s the thing about God. He’s willing to put you through a lot of crap if it means your heart becomes a little softer, your soul becomes a little more open and He becomes a little more glorified.
I’m thankful for me and all that has shaped me. I’m thankful for my family, for my experiences, for my God. I’m thankful for you. I’m thankful for this space of vulnerability and acceptance. I’m thankful for this life ― no matter how hard it can get at times.
I hope you are too. Wherever you are.
IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!
So much has happened since I last posted, and I’m sorry for my distance. I didn’t think life could any crazier, until it did.
I had surgery on my left hip on October 13. The recovery has been much easier, and for that I am so grateful. I go back to the doctor this Thursday (November 30) and I hope to be off crutches in the next few weeks. Then begins the hard part. Please pray that I will be reassured by the difference I feel sooner rather than later. There is a chance that this surgery didn’t work, which is my biggest concern right now.
I hope you all had a magnificent Thanksgiving, and continue to have the best holiday season ever! It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Keep your eyes on things above, and enjoy it!
See you in 2018!
Lots & Lots of Love,